I was with my small family of 4 visiting NYC this week for the school break. Our number 1 train stopped for about 20 minutes before they evacuated the entire train. When the train stopped, I wasn't too worried about it, I had lived in the city a lifetime ago and this happens. But after 10 minutes and the train shut down, I started to worry. The conductor announced that everyone needed to exit the train by walking to the front car. Police entered each car, to keep everyone calm and assist.
The first car of the train was at the 23rd street station and that is where we all were able to exit. When we got off we were met by around 20 firemen and police officers and some EMTs. They would ask, "Are you OK?"
By the time we got off and were on the platform, I knew exactly what happened. Someone jumped in front of the train or perhaps they fell...but in my heart I just knew someone jumped. On purpose.
I am having a hard time getting it out of my mind, and I can tell my 9 year old daughter is too because every person we run into since, she tells them what happened.
Obviously, I don't know the entire story...and there are many Crazy's in NYC. But either way....I know what it feels like to not want to go on another day. To see it happen in front of us, hit me hard in the heart.
It hits anyone hard (i know for sure my 9 year old), but it hits hard because I know what it feels like to not want to go on. It hits hard, because, had I made other decisions, that could have been a choice I could have made. It is hard to say out loud or put on paper or type on a blog, but the fact is - it happens.
I wish there was a magic crystal ball for my self at times and for each of you suffering, a crystal ball to let you know when the pain will go away. For some reason, it is easier to endure if you know in 2 months you will feel better, or 1 year you will feel better.
We don't know when, or how long it will take...but you will feel better.
For me, I think it was meant to be to be on that train on Thursday. If anything, to remind myself that starting this website was the right thing to do. Also, to remind myself, in the dark days to come , when things start heading south.... to hang in there and hang on tight to a crappy ride that will come to a halt...and you will be able to get off that southbound train at it better stop. I promise you and I promise myself.